Penetrated by vectors?....

high on what?

Is the Eye Doctor high?
-Emaline

Got J-O-B?

"Man! I'm gonna have to go into work tomorrow and, like, WORK while I'm there."
-Mario

There was a farmer, had a dog......

"...And Bingo was his Lame-O!"
-Emaline

"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a drain."
-Abigail

Squishy anyone?

Look Daddy! This is an extra fun way to be squished!
-Emaline

Bedtime prayers

Emaline, sit down and say prayers first, THEN I'll hit you with the puppy.
-Mario, age 30

But I already went potty this weekend the other day.
-Emaline, age 4

(Jaden is my nephew on the left)

Jaden Keyte - "Mom, where does the tooth fairy live?
Mom- "I don't know."
Jaden-"I know what what they make their houses out of..."
Mom-"What"
Jaden-"Teeth"
Mom-"How do you know that?"

Jaden-"Well I Know That They Can't Carry Wood"

a quote door classic...

It's all about Ween.

Summer '96

The bottom of what?

Daddy got all of the poop out, and the light comes in and I can see all the way to the bottom!
-Emaline

FHE gone awry

"You know who the Nephites are? They protect people from God."- Ocean, 3.5 years old to her little friend Jolie, 2 years old

pretty gross!

"It's fun to put carrots in ears that itch." -Ocean, 3.5 years old

Out of the mouths of babes...

As a pediatric nurse I often hear sweet, hilarious and even aweful things come out of childrens mouths especially when they are having to have an IV started, this is my favorite from a three year old...(and you must think of it with a southern baptist drawl)
"help me Jesus!"

some others are...
"stop doing that" and "I'll be good"

and of course they are all told to say "thank you" by their parents when they are done!

Things that make you go "Hmmmmm..."

"What is Heavenly Father's last name?"
Ocean, 3 1/2 yrs.

F___ F___

"That fetching fetcher!"
Cory Mathews, age 31

hmmmm...

Daddy has a stinky wipey on his bottom.
-Ocean, 3 years old

Telemarketing

I just got a telemarketing phone call.... The following is to be read using your best impersonation of Apoo from the Simpsons.
"Hello, I am calling on behalf of the new at&t and bellsouth. My name is Harry Potter."

"Who needs Ericka when I have you?"
-Loralie to Cory

Mario singing

Mario was singing in the car...
Emaline covered her ears and said, "Daddy, stop making that noise!"

Cookie Dough

I was making cookies and my son wanted a spoon with cookie dough on it. I gave him some and he replied, "this is too much cookie dough" to which my nephew who is five responded, "there is no such thing as too much cookie dough". True true

Kids

My 4 year old had had about 3 fruit snacks and I told him no more, too much sugar. He responded, "I want more sugar, I need it!".

Proud Dad?

What every father wants to hear from his son:

Scenario:
Steve & Jenn are in one room, and Logan, who is being too quiet, is in the other room.

Steve -- "Logan. What'cha doing?"
Logan -- "Just playing with my purse"

Books

"You CANNOT learn things from books!"
-Michael , The Office

Nathan is so confused about Mia being a girl- "So when she is 4 she will be a boy?" "No honey, she will never be a boy" "Oh no! Poor Mia..."

Guess the movie...

"Well He's just about the biggest Cootie I've ever seen..."

Losing

Mario: Is mommy losing?
Emaline: Yeah, her mind.

What Daddy really does...

Owen was overherd the other day playing with his cars and creating a conversation for them.
Red Car: Where is Daddy?
Black Car: At work, sleeping.

Green Light Financial

Our son Nathan would like everything for Christmas. Everything that comes on tv is followed by "I want that for Christmas", this also includes a home loan from Green Light Financial. It's also one of his favorite songs to sing. 866-66 faster you've got the green light...

Fortune Cookie

...like a baby riding a fish, but maybe not good Chinese food

(The fotune came out of one of our cookies)

Last week during sacrament

I watched the kid behind us drink his water. He looked at the little cup for a minute, his face distorted through the ridges in the plastic, and smashed it on his forehead beercan style.

Mario boasts

"I don't mind being the one who makes farting fun!"